skip to main |
skip to sidebar
It seems that whenever there are major changes in my life, everything called my life starts feeling like it’s being squeezed…imagine a tube of toothpaste.
This time around the changes are planned, but that does not diminish the squeeze.
With my mother in a nursing home I cannot afford this big house we shared. Getting it ready for sale is a big job in itself with all the picky, picky cleaning I have been forced to do. You are probably saying to yourself that I should have been doing that regularly anyway. You are right, but that is not within the nature of my beingness. I will put off such things in favor of so many other more pleasurable activities.
Frustration comes in bunches
I find myself trying to go through the process of readying the house for sale with very little money. So in the spirit of being squeezed through a small opening, things start costing me money I don’t have.
A couple weeks ago the hot water hose on the washing machine blew at 10 p.m. To make a long story short, it cost me a night’s sleep and close to $350 for a plumber in the middle of the night (which turned out to be 7:45 the next morning!). ☹
(You can read the whole sad story at my main blog, “Look What I’m Up To Now”. See Plumbing Problem, Monday, August 10th.)
Then I get a notice from the bank that holds the mortgage on this house my mortgage payment is going UP almost $260 a month. What happened? We used to get senior citizen assistance on town taxes based on my mother’s income…since she had life use of the house. With her in the nursing home the assistance was based on my income, which was higher than hers. Ergo, my assistance amount was nowhere near as lucrative.
And coming up, will be the cost of having the carpets professionally cleaned.
Spirituality
So what’s so spiritual about all this frustration and chaos? I see it as another test of Faith. I know from experience that I have always had what I needed. Always! Why should this be any different? Being mortal, I have a hard time staying out of the category of “Oh ye of little faith.” I keep reminding myself that I have always had what I needed and I will get through this. Everything will turn out OK.
So what do I need?
I need to sell this house. I really don’t want to do fishes and loaves for too many months. BUT, I can if I have to as long as I continue to acknowledge “someone else” is directing this operation.
It has been so long since I last posted. It’s not that I haven’t had anything spiritual going on in my life…it’s more like I have too much of everything going on.
Since I returned from my Erie Canal bike ride, my mother has been in and out of the hospital and nursing home. Since October 10th, 2008, she has been home three weeks and two days. She’s 96 years old and has had two major abdominal surgeries. She has an indomitable spirit.
She and I have had conversations about we humans having signed contracts with God. The idea being we stay here on earth to the end of the contract. I believe it can be renewed, I’m sure it is in some cases, but there comes a time when God says, “That’s it. Fini.” And in a pre-planned event we make our exit.
I don’t know how many renewals she has had, but in the last year and a half she has come up with more things that should have ended her life here on earth. First she started falling and it turns out she also had bladder infections. What we thought for years was over active bladder turned out to be a bladder that had forgotten how to empty itself completely.
Once we had that under control she started with small intestine blockages. The first four were treated without surgery, but the 5th was different. She had just turned 96 and underwent abdominal surgery. Came through it with flying colors. A miracle! She finally came home from this one in December. She was home for 3 weeks and had another blockage.
Another surgery on January 6th of 2009. We all thought she was going to die. She pulled through. However, when she was transferred back to the nursing home on January 26th she was unable to walk. We thought she would never walk again. After one week of physical therapy she started walking.
The end of March she came out of the nursing home and we all expected this time she would not be going back to the hospital or nursing home ever again. Two days home and she twisted her right knee. Back to the ER and back to the nursing home.
She was back there about a week when she was transported back to the hospital with a high fever and she was diagnosed with a staph infection AND clots in her legs even though she had been on Coumadin. Another week in the hospital treating the infection and the clots and she’s now back in the nursing home.
We will probably never know what’s going on between her and her God, but the meetings must be interesting!
I guess one of the lessons is Never doubt the strength of the human spirit. And another is Never question why God keeps renewing the contract.
In my prayers I have offered everything up to God. I have told Him I can’t do this any more and I acknowledge He is in complete control. What a relief…for both of us. ☺
