Change is Never Easy

It seems that whenever there are major changes in my life, everything called my life starts feeling like it’s being squeezed…imagine a tube of toothpaste.

This time around the changes are planned, but that does not diminish the squeeze.

With my mother in a nursing home I cannot afford this big house we shared. Getting it ready for sale is a big job in itself with all the picky, picky cleaning I have been forced to do. You are probably saying to yourself that I should have been doing that regularly anyway. You are right, but that is not within the nature of my beingness. I will put off such things in favor of so many other more pleasurable activities.

Frustration comes in bunches
I find myself trying to go through the process of readying the house for sale with very little money. So in the spirit of being squeezed through a small opening, things start costing me money I don’t have.

A couple weeks ago the hot water hose on the washing machine blew at 10 p.m. To make a long story short, it cost me a night’s sleep and close to $350 for a plumber in the middle of the night (which turned out to be 7:45 the next morning!). ☹

(You can read the whole sad story at my main blog, “Look What I’m Up To Now”. See Plumbing Problem, Monday, August 10th.)

Then I get a notice from the bank that holds the mortgage on this house my mortgage payment is going UP almost $260 a month. What happened? We used to get senior citizen assistance on town taxes based on my mother’s income…since she had life use of the house. With her in the nursing home the assistance was based on my income, which was higher than hers. Ergo, my assistance amount was nowhere near as lucrative.

And coming up, will be the cost of having the carpets professionally cleaned.

Spirituality
So what’s so spiritual about all this frustration and chaos? I see it as another test of Faith. I know from experience that I have always had what I needed. Always! Why should this be any different? Being mortal, I have a hard time staying out of the category of “Oh ye of little faith.” I keep reminding myself that I have always had what I needed and I will get through this. Everything will turn out OK.

So what do I need?
I need to sell this house. I really don’t want to do fishes and loaves for too many months. BUT, I can if I have to as long as I continue to acknowledge “someone else” is directing this operation.